By P.T. Bopanna*
In my recent articles involving issues relating to matrimonial alliances among Kodavas (Coorgs), I had noted that in recent years there has been a ‘mismatch’ between the boys and girls because the latter are more qualified educationally.
I wish to clarify higher qualification need not be a constraint in relationships. A marriage involves complementing each other and not competing against one another. Mere qualification does not mean you are superior. It is important to have life skills. It has become a fashion among the modern girls to feign that they do not know cooking. In the past, Kodava mothers took great interest to teach cooking to their daughters as they understood the value of healthy eating and nourishment.
The idea of my suggesting an exclusive dating app for Kodavas is to ensure that boys and girls get to know each other better before tying the knot. This helps in knowing whether they are compatible. Most of the problems in a marriage arise because the couples are not compatible.
It is not important who wears the pant in the house as long as there is mutual understanding.
A higher qualification is no guarantee that you are a better person. What is important is to have a sense of humour and the ability to laugh at oneself.
In the final analysis, what is critical is what you bring to the table. Maybe a dating app for the community could be a good platform for forging lasting relationships.
I have also seen the comment to my article that inter-caste marriage is not a problem. I do not wish to get into an argument to such comments. I wish to point out that a Kodava woman who marries outside the community, invariably want her children to marry only Kodavas. This shows that a woman in a Kodava community enjoys a higher status and freedom, compared to most other communities in India.
*P.T. Bopanna (in picture) is a Bengaluru-based journalist and author.
It is a fact that more and more kodava girls are not preferring to marry boys who are planters and settled in Coorg. I think the reason is more of being independent and preferring city life. This has become a very serious issue I feel. I don’t think this has anything to do with girls becoming more highly educated than boys. Like any social being girls simply prefer independent city life. Now if this is resulting in more out of the community marriages, the issue has to be looked into in a different perspective and it has to be necessarily a progressive and positive perspective. I think kodava community has to give more emphasis on increasing the awareness about marrying within the community. Kodava community is an unique community with very special characteristics. It is very important to educate the children about the community and the need to marry within the community as far as possible. Kodava boys may not prefer going for higher education because of their passion towards Coffee plantations. But the community has to work towards improving the early marriage situation within the community. A lot of groundwork need to be done.